colfersaurusrex: I couldn’t care less about your religion or sexual orientation or race or whether you’re a virgin or have slept with 400 people or have done time in jail but the moment you eat my leftovers without asking that’s when i decide you’re a terrible person
fartgallery: 4/20? You mean 1/5 reduce your fractions did you even learn math
The feeling of having new and clean bed sheets.
zombikki: veganasfuck: how many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw. this is the best joke ever
nearamirfaramir: robertdowneyjr: robert downey jr either dresses really well or ridiculously terribly exhibit a exhibit b
ussawesome: when you spell a word so wrong that spell check is like i dont know what to tell u man
mrmdprncss: i’m always weirdly proud when my pee is clear because it’s like fuck yeah i’m so hydrated
on a math test: 2+2
me: use calculator just in case
When you want your boyfriend to do something for...
"YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO WEAK."
halffizzbin: So my parents’ terrace has a little hole in it, for drainage. My dog thinks it’s a window, though. She stays like this for hours.
bedquest: I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH MY OWn mouth softly because i like you
madturbating: it doesnt matter if u love him or capital H&M
The best way to get a girls attention.
laughingstation: Not this: But this:
squareegg: i think google translate saw a spider